


between the bars.

by commonemergency



Category: Dan Howell & Phil Lester - Fandom, Phan, dan howell/phil lester - Fandom
Genre: Canon Divergence, First Dates, First Love, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Online Dating, Romance, lots of real life references, sort of, tinder au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 08:03:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11459439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commonemergency/pseuds/commonemergency
Summary: Dan is a lonely twenty-something year old not really looking for a connection until he finds one, and it's not in the way he expected, in fact he can't really even remember it.Or the one where Dan and Phil meet on Tinder.





	between the bars.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this idea in my head since Phil's tinder video. I had planned for this to be literally 2k words at the most. That obviously didn't happen. I've been working on this for two weeks now and I'm proud for it to be done. This fic comes from a special place, I've recently been talking to a girl and we're actually going on a date soon and I just really wanted a way to express that feeling of liking someone, (especially of the same sex) for the first time and how special and sort of magical it feels. Enjoy.

**i.**

He downloads the app because he’s drunk at his house warming party, and he sets up his account when he’s sitting in his tub with his friend right next to him with a bottle of malibu in between them. Someone had come in not too long ago turning the shower on and they’re sitting with their natural (curly, frizzy) hair, their clothes are wet but they’re too drunk to notice or really care. Lauren grabs his phone from him and goes through his photos to find a couple of “good ones” to put on his profile. They argue but then laugh because he’s trying too hard in some photos but they can make it look like it’s purposeful. 

“What a night, huh?” Lauren says as she’s swiping right on people. She doesn’t mean that she put the settings on both “men and women,” in the beginning it was a joke -- the whole profile was a joke, and no male has actually matched with Dan yet. 

“Yeah… yeah.” Dan says, tipping the bottle back and all he wants to do is lay down. He is a grown man, and he is drunk in his bathroom with a friend who’s a bit older than he is. 

“We need a bio.” She slurs. 

“ _My life is a joke._ ” Dan says, “ _I like pizza._ ” It’s a solid bio to Dan, he’s not expecting responses plus in the morning when he’s throwing up and feeling the wrath of the hangover he can just delete the app and pretend that it didn’t happen. At least he’ll have a funny story for his youtube channel. He’ll probably leave the dating app out though. _Yeah, sounds like a plan._

“Hey, you got a match,” He thinks he hears his friend say but he can’t be sure, there’s too much alcohol in his system he just wants to sleep. 

**ii.**

Dan couldn’t move the entire morning after the party. The most effort he had done was get out of the bathroom and to his bed and he didn’t move for hours after that. He was sweating and he could smell the alcohol off of him and he was nauseas, and then there were the body aches. He took some pain reliever and started to pick up after his friends, it was a lot of bottles and a lot of food gone to waste, he had just moved in yet his house had felt worn in already which was comforting but also just a lot of work to do for someone who hadn’t even been living here for a month yet. 

He didn’t dare check his phone yet, he figured if he could distract himself with the clean up and a shower whatever he’d find wouldn’t exist and it didn’t happen. He was prone to drunk text a lot of his friends that he didn’t talk to anymore, but he was more scared of contact his ex during a night of drinking but he honestly couldn’t remember much of last night. 

After a long shower and a cup of peppermint tea he had found himself back in bed with all the lights off and the only comfort he had was the light coming from his screen. He had seen the numerous notifications of people who matched with him, though he doesn’t remember really swiping anyone. 

He moans and cringes, unlocking his phone and getting on the app to see the damage. He first looks at his profile and the selfies that Lauren had chose and shakes his head at the main photo he used, and then at his bio and his several interests below that he hadn’t bothered to unlike on facebook. 

He finally gets the guts to look at messages, all of them are messages that just say “ _whats up_ ” and they’re all females except for one. He takes a deep breath and then clicks on the message:

_I just wanted to say that your bio is very short and sweet and i like it._

The first thing that Dan notices is the boy’s hair. He also mentions it on his profile. 

“ _I’m that guy with the hair. I also like x-files, corgis and terrible puns._ ”

Dan reads the message over again. There’s a weird feeling he has looking at his profile, seeing their similar likes and interests, things that he also forgot to uncheck when he was making his tinder profile, and he looks at his selfies- some are just of him, and then he sees some with his friends he assumes or family. He has a very nice smile and pretty eyes. _You could go swimming in those eyes,_ Dan thinks to himself and then cringes at the thought of him using that as a pick up line towards the other boy. And that’s just the thing -- he does want to reply back to him. Very badly, actually. He sighs again and then shakes his head. Why not? 

_haha thanks. i put in a lot of effort if you can’t tell._  
_i like x-files, corgis, and terrible puns too._

He sent the message and then huffed, locking his phone and then turned on his side to look at the wall. 

He hears a buzz a few moments later. 

_Looks like we have a lot in common! Even the same hair!_  
_What else do you like?_

Dan finds himself looking at Phil’s profile again and smiling. He writes back to him. 

_did you steal my hair?_  
_i really like naps, breakfast food, wifi, space._  
_wby???_

When he hits send he waits for a moment, and then he grabs his headphones, if he’s not going to sleep he’s going to watch youtube if Phil was going to reply back as fast as he had been. It was an odd thing for Dan- he talked to people online all the time, for godssake he was someone who made videos for a living, but this was different- it was weird but completely familiar and unfamiliar at the same time. 

_I DID._  
_I’m older than you so I think you actually stole my hair :p_  
_What a coincidence, we both like naps, breakfast food, wifi, and space._  
_I’d ask you what you’re looking for on tinder but that’s pretty boring question._  
_Do you prefer tea or coffee?_

Dan snorts reading the message, but he waits for a few minutes before replying back. He doesn’t want to seem desperate. 

_lies._  
_i mean i don’t go outside but i do go on the nasa instagram and look at the photos of space they put up. hopefully that counts._

Dan ignores the tinder comment. 

_listen i know we’re british and like tea is a staple…. but i love coffee. well, it has to taste sugary for me to like coffee. to be specific, i love caramel machiatto’s from starbucks and I KNOW that it’s mostly just milk and caramel flavouring but it tastes great._

Dan had felt like he told too much there, their messages getting a little bit bigger each reply, he felt his eyes getting heavy though and he really did need to sleep. He was trying to stay up and at least read Phil’s message but he passed out listening to someone rant about algorithms and dreamed of parties and bathtubs. 

**iii.**

Over the course of the week Dan slowly brings his apartment to life and he documents it in small little clips on his phone that he’ll eventually piece together into a video for his audience. Dan finds it enjoyable to be able to pick what kind of houseplants he wants in his apartment and what kind of cooking utensils he needs and if he wants the cutting board that’s green or white- it’s small little decisions that he enjoys because they’re his decisions and they belong to him. 

And he checks his phone during those small little decisions for a message from Phil. They talk more at night. Phil is sometimes out of touch, and Dan can’t blame him. He hasn’t even asked him what he does yet. Right now they’re just talking. Sometimes when Dan is feeling brave enough or after a glass of beer he’ll ask Phil how his day is. And Phil will reply with tidbits of his day, and tell him a funny thing that happened to him, and Dan will be sitting at the pub with his friends and smile down at his phone, and his friends will laugh at him because he’s staring down at his crotch and laughing at him, and he’ll blush a little. _Thanks, Phil,_ he’ll think internally and he’d want to tell him that but he’s scared that he’s just building his version of Phil or the Phil he wants him to be in his head and it’s always hard for boys like Dan- he falls for people so easily- or, well, he fell for this boy so easy. Perhaps because he’s the first boy to really give Dan the light of day. And he answers him back. 

_My day was good! I visited my parents which was why i was MIA for a bit. They have terrible service in IOM. Sorry for such delayed messages. My brother and his girlfriend came too so it’s just been busy. It was good though! I got to finish up that Stephen King book I was telling you about._  
_Did you do anything fun over the weekend? (:_  
_Also I missed talking to you and thought maybe we could exchange numbers? I never check this thing or get notifications so maybe texting would be easier?_

Dan reads the message a couple of times. He doesn’t know why it makes him feel giddy inside. He sets his phone down and looks out the window. His view isn’t that great. It’s just of the street he lives on and the other apartments surrounding his. Cars park out front and teens kick rocks with their new shoes they bought for school. 

_glad to hear that your day was good. i understand. whenever i go back to wokingham i don’t get any service out there either. it’s cool you got to see your parents and brother. i wish i was closer to my brother._  
_nice! hopefully it was a good read and wasn’t too predictable._  
_nah i didn’t do anything fun. i went to the cinema and ate a lot of food haha._  
_yeah, i was going to actually suggest texting it seems a lot easier but you beat me to it!_  
_here’s my number._

Dan has to film a video. He puts his phone on silent and then purposely leaves it in the kitchen while he sets up the camera and lights. The past couple of weeks of talking to Phil felt like a mess and unorganized and he felt like he didn’t know what he was doing. It had been a while since his last video and he knew that now was a good time to film. This was what Dan was good at. This is what he knew how to do. It was effortless to film a video, and it was slowly becoming effortless to talk to Phil. He didn’t want to get his hopes up though. He blocked it out for a half hour while he talked to his camera. He could do that. 

When he finished filming he took his time putting everything away. It didn’t take long -- his apartment wasn’t that big, there wasn’t much room for everything but he made it work. His channel was doing good and growing slowly but surely. He liked where his channel was going and his audience was great, he could always guarantee some sort of funny discourse or art being made for his content. He knew that his parents weren’t exactly proud that he dropped out of law school and they didn’t understand the whole internet thing, after what had happened with his brother his parents had given him a cold shoulder for a while, they didn’t talk until a couple months ago. While he understood- living out here in London wasn’t easy and a lot of times he was lonely and just wanted to talk to someone familiar. He had his new friends, his youtube friends but there was still a bit of loneliness because he couldn’t really relate or know how to make conversation and have that conversation mean something, because if it didn’t mean something and if there wasn’t a purpose for it then what was the point? 

Hearing his phone buzz as he stared out the window of his tiny flat he had smiled to himself a little, walking over to see that there were a few text messages and a call from his mom. No voicemail. She normally left a voicemail if it was important. He’d just text her what’s up. 

_Hey it’s Phil from tinder! (:_  
_I didn’t know you had a brother! Is he older or younger than you?I’m the baby of the family :p but my mom still spoils both of us over the holidays._  
_Book was good! Def reccomend if you want something scary to read :3_  
_I’m glad I have your number now, this is much easier._

This is how it gets easier for Dan. While he still feels the pit of anxiety when talking to a boy it’s getting easier for him to talk to Phil because he makes it easy. Dan finds himself getting a bit giddy every new message that Phil sends him. 

_hey there soz for late reply had to get some work stuff done._  
_yeah his name is adrian. he’s younger than me and definitely gets spoiled more than me but it’s okay :p lol my parents throw in a couple socks at christmas to make up for it (the best gift ik)_  
_hmmm i’ll read it if YOU give it to me yeah? (;_  
_that sounded a lot more flirter than i intended for it to be i’m sorry._  
_i think it’s just the winky face that makes it way more inappropriate._

Dan puts his phone down and looks in his fridge for what he can cook for dinner but he already knows that he’ll end up ordering a pizza and catching up on his subscription feed. He knows that he should go out and explore the city more but staying inside and eating pizza and possibly texting Phil most of the night is winning. There’s a feeling that he gets when he remembers that he’s actually talking to someone -- and he knows that this all wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t gotten so stupidly drunk a couple weeks ago but he’s thankful for it. 

**iv.**

Phil asks him out on a date a couple of days later. Dan is out to dinner with friends when he asks. He tries to maintain his composure in the restaurant but inevitably excuses himself to the restroom where he locks himself in the bathroom stall and reads the message over again. And again. And again. And again. It didn’t feel real the more times he looks over the text. 

_Hey I know that we were just talking about movies but I was wondering if maybe you’d want to go to coffee or dinner or something? Because I really like talking to you and I think we have good conversation and it’d be nice to see you in person? (: If not, it’s cool!_

Dan doesn’t care to wait to reply. 

_i can’t believe this is how you’re asking me out on a date by trying to play it cool, phil._  
_of course i’d love to get ‘coffee or dinner or something’ with you._  
_i’ve been meaning to ask you but you beat me to this first._

Dan is smitten. 

**v.**

The first time they meet Dan is a ball of nerves. It’s at a restaurant that Phil suggested that he likes to eat at a lot in Chinatown. It’s a small hole in the wall, so when Dan and Phil hug its in front of a lot of people and Dan blushes and Phil looks at him intently. They talk about their journey to get to Chinatown. Dan is still getting used to the London transportation and had gotten off the wrong station and had to get back on the tube for a few more stops. Phil has been here for a while now and knows it by heart. He says that Dan will get used to it. 

They’re sat in the back of the restaurant but with how close the tables are Dan and Phil are sort of scrunched together. 

“I know it’s really cramped in here but the singapore dish is just so good,” 

Dan’s voice shakes a little as their date progresses, and he stumbles on his words a lot and he’s trying his best to articulate but Phil stares at him like there’s not another soul in this tiny restaurant. Dan finds himself rambling a lot more than normal. He just has so much to say to someone who will listen to him. 

“I’ll say you’re a lot more… chipper? In real life,” Phil laughs a little, stirring the soup and taking another bite. 

“Yeah,” he chuckles, rubbing the back of his neck. It’s easy for him to be on camera, to have that to talk to, but in real life when Dan isn’t comfortable he’s silent, but with Phil it felt easy- effortless, and he’s only known him online but that’s been a lot of relationships with Dan; whether it was friendship or romance, when he’s online he can be more himself and he doesn’t have to worry about what he looks like or what he sounds like or any of the insecurity he harbours but it’s just easier. He has an online persona and sometimes he had to remind himself that he was a real person with feelings and he didn’t owe anyone anything and he was trying to let that part that he was still holding onto go. “I think because I work mainly online it kind of… bleeds into everything and it’s just a delicate balance,”  
Dan pays for dinner but Phil pays for coffee. There had been a silent agreement that they didn’t want the date to end. So they get coffee and find themselves just walking and talking. Dan is still relishing the fact that Phil remembered that Dan liked Caramel Machiatto’s (with extra caramel). 

They talked a lot about what they normally text about -- other than the comment Phil had made, Dan is more lively now that he’s gotten a little bit used to the fact that Phil actually wanted to be here on the date with him. It was hard for him to comprehend that someone might actually like him. 

“Why did you join Tinder? Now that I’ve gotten to know you it doesn’t seem… very you?” Phil takes a sip of his drink and Dan laughs a little. 

“I know,” he feels the anxiety come back a little. “I’m going to be honest with you,” 

When he looks back at Phil he’s listening, with a content smile. 

“When I made my Tinder account I was kind of doing it to be ironic? Keep in mind that I was very drunk doing it, and I didn’t even know that we swiped each other until the morning after. And out of all the messages I recieved after all the random swiping I did- I don’t know- I just found myself interested in yours? Since it wasn’t some dumb pickup line and… you’re just easy to talk to,” 

After a second Phil just smiles and laughs. 

“After that story, I have something to give you,” Phil had brought his backpack with him which wasn’t unusual but Dan was surprised to see it. He had given him Doctor Sleep, and Dan had taken it and smiled. 

“You said you’d read it if I gave it to you. I figured if I gave it to you after our first date it would guarantee me a second date,” 

Dan is overwhelmed. He shakes his head. “I bet you think you’re smooth,” Dan smirks at him now and then gets closer and gives Phil a hug. It caught Phil off guard but he found himself wrapping his arms around him and it was warm. 

**vi.**

Like many things in life, it takes time. At least that’s what Dan was telling himself as he slowly got to know Phil. After that night of their first date Dan kept running his hands over the book because it was _his_ book, that he brought from home to give to Dan because he was thinking of a second date. He couldn’t begin to explain -- and probably didn’t really want to explain out of embarrassment- the many times he thought of that particular moment. 

It had reminded him of a lot of school. There had been a lot of moments where Dan had questioned himself and his sexuality, (and it didn’t help that he went to an all boys school), when a boy that sat in front of him and bent over to pick his fallen pencil and give it back to him with a sweet smile. Dan would try and not stare too much at him but he got lost in other people’s eyes and was dying to make a connection- any connection. It was a lot of guessing of what was real or not, being at an all boy’s school, because he knew that there must have been other boys at his school wondering the same thing. 

“The bullies were the worst,” Dan says over a Caramel Machiatto, with extra caramel, they’re sitting on Dan’s couch, Dan has his back against the armrest, his feet spread a little in front of him on his side of the couch while Phil is on the other side. They had made pasta at Dan’s house tonight. 

“I remember they used to throw rocks at me for being a little different. If it wasn’t my hair or my voice it was something stupid, like the colour of my belt,” He taps his fingers against his to go cup, and he looks up at Phil who’s doing a lot of listening. He’s wearing his glasses since a lot of today he had been cooped up in an office editing videos for one of his many bosses, and Dan can’t stop thinking of how cute he looks, but he’s trying not to get too distracted.

(Turns out it wasn’t that weird for Phil to find out that Dan was a youtuber. They both were sort of in the same career- Phil made a lot of short films and not that much dialogue, but he mostly edited for other people.) 

“That’s a very... strange thing of them to point out,” Phil tries to make a joke about manliness to help ease some of Dan's tension, he ends up placing a hand on Dan’s knee, a gentle squeeze and he lets go. 

It was a good point. Dan had always wondered if at least one of his bullies had ever had a crush on Dan since they seemed to call him a lot of name, and he didn’t understand any of it -- Dan was just the guy that listened to a lot of Radiohead and My Chemical Romance and appreciated to read some crappy philosophy book because he saw his dad reading it. 

Dan smiled at Phil, there was a silence that often fell over them, it wasn’t uncomfortable, in fact, sometimes they would just sit in the room together and be quiet, and read or go on the internet. They hadn’t kissed yet because Dan was nervous- and each time he tried to go in for a kiss it was like Phil knew that he wasn’t ready, and they wouldn’t say anything, they’d just wrap their arms around the other. The hugs lasted a long time and Dan had never felt more safe. 

Dan puts his cup of coffee down on the coffee table and looks at Phil again. It was a new feeling, it felt warm, and gooey- the best way Dan could prescribe it was like when he was a kid going on a roller coaster for the very first time, you anticipate getting up to the top, and you know that any second now the ride will drop and when it does it takes your breath away and you can’t help but want to either yell or laugh, and maybe you did a little bit of both, but there’s a moment of pure ecstasy when you’re going down and it’s a feeling he was afraid that he’d never get back again. 

“Can I?” Dan says, getting a little closer to Phil. 

In response, Phil nods his head with a smile that’s encouraging. 

Dan felt that feeling he felt that first time he ever kissed a boy; he was a bundle of nerves leaning in. When their lips touched it felt soft and quick. Before Dan could think of going in for another kiss Phil had beat him to it, and this time he had made it long and sweet. Dan was trying to think of adjectives that could describe what he felt, but he was all feelings and less logical, and he blanked out when Phil sucked on his bottom lip and pulled away. He felt dizzy, but in a good way. If Dan could spend the rest of his life in such close proximity of Phil, in this moment and small bubble- he would. 

**vii.**

Dan stores every piece of information that Phil gives him about his life, there are areas that they haven’t talked about yet, and it’s not that they were off limits, it’s just that it was hard. Dan didn’t open up to people very much but Phil was a mystery. He wanted to know everything that Phil would give him. Above all though- Dan wanted Phil to be his boyfriend. 

The conversation about it didn’t go as planned but that was okay with Dan. 

Dan and Phil are making another meal together and they were waiting for the pizza in the oven. Dan was against one side of the kitchen while Phil was on the other, they had been talking about previous bad dates and some were funny, others were sort of sad, both had been stood up once or twice and while it normally didn’t really bother Dan not knowing Phil’s sort of- origin story of his sexuality, he still wanted to know. He knew not to be scared to ask but when talking about someone else’s sexuality it was personal, and Dan understood that. 

“How did you know that you liked boys?” Dan can feel his heart rate increase and he gripped the counter for extra support. 

Phil kind of laughs a little, “Uh, well. I remember seeing this guy walk past me in a shopping centre, and I was like, ‘ _Hey, he’s hot,_ ’ and then, ‘ _Huh Phil? Oh. Wait._ ’ and you know -- that was that. What about you?” 

Dan could see his retell happening, it made him smile. 

“I didn’t. And then you know, I met a guy… and we were something -- and then we were nothing.” 

“Me too." 

When their pizza finished they were quiet, but sitting at the table they had began to ask the other questions about the guys that had once stolen their heart. Dan tells Phil about his first kiss with a boy and how similar but different it felt. He tells him about Erin, and how everyone had sworn that the two of them would have gotten married, but he didn’t love her like that anymore. While he still felt love for her -- it wasn’t the same, and it was a confusing and painful time in his life. His first official crush on a boy had been after that and they weren’t really anything- they messed around a lot but eventually the other boy had moved and inevitably moved on and Dan started youtube. 

Dan does learn about a boy named Charlie. Sometimes Phil stopped eating to look at it for a second too long and Dan knew that it had been something real for Phil and important. He won’t say anything, but he’ll think that he’d do anything to make Phil smile, and try and make up for that loss and hurt. There were holes in Dan and Phil that were meant to be there because of the people that had edged their way into their hearts, and they’d stay there, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t anymore room to love. 

When Phil’s eating his last slice of pizza Dan smiles at him. “Want to be my boyfriend?” 

“Hm. I think so.” 

And that was the beginning of everything. 

**viii.**

They delete the app together, and hold hands on the sofa, and they make out on Dan’s bed, and subtweet sweet things to each other while they’re laying next to each other. Dan steals a lot of Phil’s shirts and Phil buys Dan a nightlight because he knows that he sometimes is scared of the dark. 

Dan’s insecurities flare up sometimes, and he’ll lay on his side and whisper, “Why do you even like me?” 

_Because everyone else is boring and you're different._

And sometimes that’s enough. 

Dan is learning that loving this boy is a work in progress, and it’s new, and different, and familiar all at the same time. If Dan were to rate the love that he felt on a scale of one to ten he’d say that Phil was his ten. 

And when he does plan on telling him he loves him, he’ll tell him that he’s his ten. Someday. _Soon._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments/Kudos appreciated! 
> 
> If you liked this you should check out my friend [larry_hystereks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_hystereks/pseuds/larry_hystereks) fic called [don't stand on me!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11349609) Because it is very sweet and amazing!
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr/twitter @nihilismdan


End file.
